Terrorism on the Home Front

There was an episode of terrorism at our house the other night. Around 11:00 p.m. a poop bomber, armed with several homemade liquid explosives, climbed into her parents' bed and blew herself up. (Because who wants to poop in their own bed when you can poop in someone else's?) She then hightailed it out of there, leaving a trail of crapnel behind her....sheets, carpet, bathroom floor, toilet, pajamas, towels, more carpet, a Beauty and the Beast movie....you name it.

When the bombing took place, I was cleaning up the kitchen, having just gotten home from a girls' night out. I assumed everyone was asleep until I heard movement upstairs. But I had no reason to think there was any cause for alarm. That was, until Michael came downstairs and said quite calmly, "Kasey, we have a problem."

For me, the most striking part of this whole incident is how well Michael handled being woken from sleep by explosive diarrhea. I was quite amazed. He had entirely stabilized the situation by the time he came downstairs. The bomber was in a shower lockdown; soiled items were being washed out. There really wasn't much left for me to do. When I asked him why he hadn't gotten me immediately, he explained that when he first saw it all he had thrown up. So he thought there was no reason to have two people throwing up. Love that logical brain!

Sadly I must admit that if the roles had been reversed, I would not have handled it so well. This would be me in my most awful shrieking voice: "Michael! Michael! Get up here right now! There's poop everywhere!"

It made me think a little bit about actual war and how much of a basketcase I would be if I were in the thick of things. Michael would be so much better suited for it with that male logic that we always make fun of: the whole "there's a problem, fix it" reasoning. Don't talk about it, just get 'er done.

Not to say that women shouldn't or couldn't go to war. Just that for me personally, there's a lot of crap that happens in the world and I am sooo glad someone else is brave enough and willing enough to clean it up.