The Week of Exploding Eggs and Fish Food and Fire Ants from Hell

My brain has gone missing. I wish it would come back. It left with my patience and I sorely miss having Patience, that calming, soothing friend. I just don't feel quite complete without both of them around. I am happy and grateful to have three beautiful children but did I have to give up my brain and patience for them? Is it too much to ask to have three kids and a brain and some patience?

This is how I first noticed that my brain had left me. I put some eggs on the stove to hard-boil and promptly forgot all about them as I got distracted by five thousand other things. As Evan and I were upstairs reading stories, I heard an explosion downstairs. Little known fact: when eggs are left on the stove for an hour and a half and all the water boils out, they will make a terrific explosion sound and come out of your pan. Evan, who is obsessed with taking pictures of everything, documented the moment for me. Thanks.

The next very smart thing that I did was to let Isaiah play with the fish food shaker that we were returning to the store because the goldfish that Emma won at the church party had died and we didn't need the food after all.

I thought nothing of it as Isaiah sat in his car seat with the fish food. When I arrived at the store and opened the door to get him out, there was fish food all over the car and all over Isaiah. While I am not working the line with all of my brain, Isaiah obviously has plenty of it working for him. The shaker, which had been sealed, was now open. I pulled him out of his seat and tried to shake as much fish food off of him as I could. Of course some fish food got on my legs and feet.

Did I mention it was raining? Rain makes fish food stick to everything. I came home from the grocery store and showed MJ the fish food stuck on my foot.

"You do know how they make fish food, don't you," he asked.

Who knows how they make fish food? How does he know all of these things? Well, apparently fish food is made up of dead fish, ground up. That's what I had all over me. Isn't that pleasant?

And now for the final story in which I realized that Patience had left too:

I took the boys in the double stroller and Emma's dog Lizzy to go pick Emma up from school. After Emma joined us, we stopped on the sidewalk to chat with a friend for a minute. There were lots of kids passing by and some people walking by with little dogs. I was trying to move the stroller out of the way while keeping Lizzy on a short leash because she was going berserko wanting to run and jump on these dogs (in a friendly but very out-of-control, psycho-excited dog way). I had the leash wound around my hand several times but still she was requiring all of my attention just to keep her in control.

My friend, who ironically, was offering to let Lizzy come play sometime with her dog for much-needed dog socialization, then alerted me that I had stepped into an ant pile in the grass. I looked down to see ants swarming my legs. My friend took Emma's beserko dog and I stripped off my shoes and socks.

And now let me just ask a question. Did God really create fire ants? Because if so He must have been in a foul mood when He did it.

I can only say that Lizzy should be very grateful there were lots of people around because I seriously wanted to pretend that she was a soccer ball and deliver a huge kick to her rump. That's when I realized that not only had my brain gone, but my patience too.

They say these things come in threes. I'm hoping that means I'm done and now my brain and patience can please come back.

Belize Baby

About a few weeks ago MJ and I got to sneak away for a little rest and relaxation in Central America. We went to Ambergris Caye, an island off the coast of Belize. It seemed like the perfect quick getaway, only two and a half hours from Houston and it boasts the largest barrier reef in this hemisphere. A reef means diving and I am all about scuba diving.

Ironically, the week before we left I caught a cold. I did everything to rid myself of it. I told myself it was gone when we left. But when our plane descended and I was having to stand on my head to keep my ears from exploding, I realized that there might be some trouble ahead with the diving agenda. Still I took some decongestant the next morning and jumped in the water, but alas I was too congested to equalize my ears. MJ finished out the dive and I sat on the boat and got seasick and barfed breakfast over the edge a few times. What a crappy start to a vacation! But the trip did get enormously better and I was able to snorkel our last day at aptly named Shark Ray Alley where we saw tons of nurse sharks and sting rays and turtles. It was amazing. Michael, who hates snorkeling because he has no fat on him to keep afloat, finally put on a life jacket and I think kind of enjoyed it too.

We also went to the mainland one day and did some cave tubing and ziplining in the jungle with a very interesting couple we met on the tour. We were fast friends by the day's end. She was from Seattle; he was from South Africa. They live in Nigeria and had all sorts of interesting stories.

The resort was very lovely and honeymooners abounded. The island was quite small so we biked around most of it. How fun it was to bike everywhere! I so loved it. It's such a simple and quaint concept to be able to bike everywhere you need to go. Granted, we didn't have the kids with us. I can't imagine how biking everywhere would work in real life with having to pack around three kiddos in Texas heat. I'm going to pass out just thinking about it.

We also went to church while we were there and it reminded me of those small branches where I served in Portugal. The members in Ambergis Caye meet on the third floor of a building right off the main street. There was no AC so we sat dripping sweat with a couple of ineffective fans but about twenty stalwart members who were so very friendly and welcoming. It was wonderful and funny to be there. The customs and habits are so different and I could only smile as we sat in Relief Society with six sisters, two of whom were drinking bottles of Coca Cola while the teacher taught the lesson. It makes me laugh. Wouldn't I love to try that here in good ol TX? I love it.

Oh and the other thing that I have to divulge to all of you North American Mormons is that in Central America, Church is only two hours long. What!? Yes, I kid you not. They have given Sunday School the axe. I'm not saying it's a good idea or not. I'm just passing on some info in case you might need to move to Belize immediately after reading this.

It's English speaking too by the way.

Go Cougars!

Last night Michael and I and his family went to the new Cowboys Stadium to see BYU play Oklahoma. First of all, this stadium is incredible. There's a reason it's nicknamed the Death Star. It's an indoor arena with a roof that opens up and it is humongous. The jumbotron itself is amazing....even if it can be hit by punts and cost $2 mil to fix. Oops.

Going in, I didn't have a lot of faith. I was nervous for the cougars. I just wanted them not to lose too badly. Michael says OU's coach can be classless in running up the score when OU is winning. This I did not want for my poor cougars. I also was expecting a few more BYU fans. Out of around 75,000 people there, 70,000 of them were in crimson, 5,000 were in blue and one brave woman who married into an OU family was in burnt orange. I hope she made it out of there safely.

This game was the most thrilling game ever! We were few but we were intense. As we began watching the game unfold, we were nervous. But then the defense held. We started hoping...cautiously, anxiously. Then before long we were jumping up and down, screaming, chanting, waving, agonizing and finally exulting. It was over the top. I've always claimed I don't care much for football. I will now eat those words.

As an aside, I would say that most of the OU fans were very gracious and classy. Numerous people afterwards congratulated us and wished us a safe trip. It's nice to know that despite cheering madly for opposing teams during a game, when it's all over people can still get along.