The Week of Exploding Eggs and Fish Food and Fire Ants from Hell

My brain has gone missing. I wish it would come back. It left with my patience and I sorely miss having Patience, that calming, soothing friend. I just don't feel quite complete without both of them around. I am happy and grateful to have three beautiful children but did I have to give up my brain and patience for them? Is it too much to ask to have three kids and a brain and some patience?

This is how I first noticed that my brain had left me. I put some eggs on the stove to hard-boil and promptly forgot all about them as I got distracted by five thousand other things. As Evan and I were upstairs reading stories, I heard an explosion downstairs. Little known fact: when eggs are left on the stove for an hour and a half and all the water boils out, they will make a terrific explosion sound and come out of your pan. Evan, who is obsessed with taking pictures of everything, documented the moment for me. Thanks.

The next very smart thing that I did was to let Isaiah play with the fish food shaker that we were returning to the store because the goldfish that Emma won at the church party had died and we didn't need the food after all.

I thought nothing of it as Isaiah sat in his car seat with the fish food. When I arrived at the store and opened the door to get him out, there was fish food all over the car and all over Isaiah. While I am not working the line with all of my brain, Isaiah obviously has plenty of it working for him. The shaker, which had been sealed, was now open. I pulled him out of his seat and tried to shake as much fish food off of him as I could. Of course some fish food got on my legs and feet.

Did I mention it was raining? Rain makes fish food stick to everything. I came home from the grocery store and showed MJ the fish food stuck on my foot.

"You do know how they make fish food, don't you," he asked.

Who knows how they make fish food? How does he know all of these things? Well, apparently fish food is made up of dead fish, ground up. That's what I had all over me. Isn't that pleasant?

And now for the final story in which I realized that Patience had left too:

I took the boys in the double stroller and Emma's dog Lizzy to go pick Emma up from school. After Emma joined us, we stopped on the sidewalk to chat with a friend for a minute. There were lots of kids passing by and some people walking by with little dogs. I was trying to move the stroller out of the way while keeping Lizzy on a short leash because she was going berserko wanting to run and jump on these dogs (in a friendly but very out-of-control, psycho-excited dog way). I had the leash wound around my hand several times but still she was requiring all of my attention just to keep her in control.

My friend, who ironically, was offering to let Lizzy come play sometime with her dog for much-needed dog socialization, then alerted me that I had stepped into an ant pile in the grass. I looked down to see ants swarming my legs. My friend took Emma's beserko dog and I stripped off my shoes and socks.

And now let me just ask a question. Did God really create fire ants? Because if so He must have been in a foul mood when He did it.

I can only say that Lizzy should be very grateful there were lots of people around because I seriously wanted to pretend that she was a soccer ball and deliver a huge kick to her rump. That's when I realized that not only had my brain gone, but my patience too.

They say these things come in threes. I'm hoping that means I'm done and now my brain and patience can please come back.