Now Scheduling House Tours

An appraiser came to look at our house today. By golly, you would not have believed how quickly I hauled my gargantuan frame around in a whirlwind of cleaning and picking up. I was amazing. It was like someone lit a fire under my bottom. In two and a half hours, I managed to vacuum, clean the bathrooms, playroom, laundry room, master bedroom, office and front porch and throw a load of laundry in and fold a load of laundry plus several other miscellaneous tasks that I will not enumerate.

I don't normally get through half of that in two and a half weeks. Nope, not even for company such as Michael's live-in family or Michael's lawyer or Michael's civil engineer. Sadly, no. Usually, I'm like, "Hey, do you mind stepping around all the toys on the stairs?" Or "Don't mind the piles of laundry and pieces of cut-up paper and stale bread crusts and plastic bags and Superman figurines and cups of water and pieces of scotch tape and children's underwear scattered randomly across the house. Oh, and if you'd like a sanitary bathroom experience, I'd recommend peeing outside. Thanks, it's nice to see you too."

These days I usually settle for one space in my house looking cleanish and call it good. But it felt so nice today to have a straightened-up house once again. It is a sad commentary on my slothful nature that the only thing that bestirs me out of my lazy chair is someone taking a tour of every nook and cranny in my house. If only someone would take a tour of my house every week, I might be able to avoid falling back into the pit of squalor from whence I came.

So to keep this clean thing going, I am now scheduling free house tours. Yes, that's right. Hurry and act now. Just email me back with your preferred day and time. And please make sure to ask to see all closets and drawers. Don't miss out on this exciting opportunity!