I think you are a very kindhearted individual. I know you value life and don't like to hurt most living creatures (with the exception of mosquitoes, cockroaches and cats). And I know that when you say you will take care of the creepy crawlies that come into my house, you are really setting them free in the greenbelt behind the house.
However, tonight your sympathy was misplaced. I was the victim, not Sammy. I was the one who was so scared and startled she screamed and nearly dropped the garbage on the lawn, not Sammy. I was the one in danger of being bitten, not Sammy. Sammy is not the innocent party here, so stop defending him. Is he like your new BFF or what?
The first time I told you that Sammy had come around, you said not to worry. Sammy was just passing through. But when I swung the gate open at dusk today to throw away the garbage, Sammy was back. And he was very very very rude to me. This is what he did when I opened the door on him:
Exactly like that. In fact, that is actually his very own picture. Yep, say hi to your BFF Sammy. And how did I manage to get his picture? Well, you will never believe this but there happened to be a National Geographic photographer who was hiding in the bushes snapping pictures of cardinals and as soon as he heard the hissing he ran over and shot off a roll for me.
There it is. Now what do you have to say?
So it's obvious that Sammy has taken residence at our house and is behaving very badly, hissing, staring me down, making alarming sounds as he slithers away.
As I see it you have two choices, Mr. Snake Lover. It's me or Sammy. Take your pick.
Love,
Kasey
P.S. If it makes you feel better, perhaps you can keep him with you at all times...on a nice pair of boots. ASAP!!!
7 comments:
Seriously, I almost peed my pants when I got to the picture of the snake! I'm afraid I'd have to call animal control myself if Sammy or any of his friends came to visit us, because Dustin would faint! (But at least he wouldn't keep it!)
Sammy.Has.To.Go. end of discussion!
AAAHHHH!!! At least it didn't chase after you like the goose!
That is so wrong-call the exterminator yourself!! Even Michael's eel gives me the heebeegeebees and you have tolerated that for how many years? I am pretty sure that Sammy and that eel are plotting something and the eel's the inside guy.
Your outdoor creature makes my sighting of a ginormous ground hog(?) living under our deck seem not so serious.
Wow! You're a nice wife. I would have locked the doors and taken my husband's keys and not let him inside until he took care of it. Ok, maybe not that harsh. I would have called animal control and then denied my husband for awhile until he got the point!
So the snake has a name? Yeah, that's too much. My sympathies, Kasey.
This is such a funny post. I mean, sorry about the snake, but I love how you worded it into a letter for Michael. You're so creative! I love it!
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